Cádiz Goes To The Movies

Afternoon Bloggers,

Someone told me something very scary today (quite apt after watching 3 horror films in the last 3 days), my English Literature tutor told me that we only have around 4 teaching weeks of University left here in Cádiz.... wow!! That isnt many, and yes on top of this we have Easter holidays and then the exam period that stretches through the end of May and throughout June, but the day to day banter of University life and lessons here has only 4 weeks remaining. Scary indeed.

Its hard to believe that my year in Cádiz is that close to being over, trust me, blink and you'll probably miss it. But all good things come to an end... right? Wrong, the greatest of events, the most memorable fo victories, the most thrilling rides are forever preserved in film, yes stories are tld slightly different with the tinseltown twinkle put on them, but this is how you truly keep the memories of the great times you have had.

Where am i going with this, why Hollywood of course!.... No not really you wally, but i am allowing you to follow me and my imagination down the rabbit hole for a snapshot at Cádiz Erasmus the Movie (hopefully to come after the book i will one day finish writing!... a guy can dream!). Cast, Character plots and of course, just for good measure, a few snide, sarcastic, and down right hilarious comments from me to come :) So get comfy, grab the popcorn, and allow yourself and your imagination to come on a journey with me :)

Mathew Clarke - Protagonist (Of course)
To be played by none other than Daniel Craig, my character will lead the charge throughout the film, acting as narrator for the tale and of course getting involved in some brilliant stories along the way. I did debate the use of Leo DiCaprio or Morgan Freeman for the role, both with soothing voices for the narration and the acting prowess to capture my complex character. But Daniel's ability to play any role and his history with Cádiz meant that he was the perfect choice.... however i do look better in Speedos ;)

Mattys Stevens
A maniac in a minature mould. Matty is hilarious but not in your run of the mill slapstick comedy way, no Matty tends to steer along the dark humour track. He drinks alot, and suffers alot. With a doting missus on his arm and the world at his feet, Matty a lad about Cai, everybody knows of him, and everybody wants to associate with him, well that is unless he's been on the Eristoff!! Tom Cruise fits perfectly into his little shoes. When Tom does comedy its true black somedy, dark and delicious, whilst still maintaining his usual Cruise swagger, perfect for the Stevens role.

Kellie Westerman
The perfect casting?.... Elizabeth Banks of Scrubs and Zack and Miri Make a Porno fame, Kellie's character will need to be portrayed in the mellow, moody style we all know, but also able to show the hilarious and romantic side to her that we have all come to prefer.

Michael McPherson
Bradley Cooper will take up the mantle of playing the challenging role of Mike. Struggling with an Ego the size of Africa, and the stubbornness of a mule, Mike's character will have to be able to present the same facade Mike puts on to the world, whilst be able to show the vulnerable, romantic, 'am i good enough' side that is hiding under the surface...

Geoffrey
A big gamble, but giving Keano Reaves his break back onto the big screen should pay off given his portfolio. Able to play a wide range of roles means Keano is perfect to shoulder the responsibility of unravelling the personality of Geoff. A year younger than everone else here, Geoff is often looking to make his mark. Vastly intelligent and kind, the character will come across with the well understood French ego, but the audience will be able to see his true colours come through.

Sam Maloney
Only appearing in half the film, Sam's character must have a big star to play him to leave the impact that he sure did on our group here. After much deliberation between the two Paul Rudd was eventually chosen as the right person to face the challenge, winning out over Hangover 1 and 2 and Role Models star Ken Jeong. Rudd was seen as the right choice to portray Sam's camp, naive nature whilst still being able to grab the audiences by the balls and make them laugh their asses off.

Katie Bilton
Much thought had to go into the casting of this role. Her kind, homely, motherly personality must be apparent, whilst her party-animal and sex-driven inner diva must also be accurately captured throughout. After her fall from grace after the naked pictures fiasco, Vanessa Hudgens went from High School Musical goody two-shoes, to every guys wet dream, finding roles coming easier, and her target audience average age increasing everyday. Her ability to play both the sultress and the loving missus, makes Vanessa and ideal choice to play our favourite Italian Lover.

Kate Newman
An earlier than expected exit from Cai for Kate means that her character, like Sam's must be capable of having the desired effect in a shorter period of time. The big boobs and big attitude meant that this was simply a no-brainer. Pamela Anderson making her way back into the limelight with the desired impact here.

Sarah Bailey
Romance, Heartache, Laughter and Tears are all in a days work for our Posh Totty. With a bark as bad as her bite, and a heart as big as her opinions she is a lovely lass as long as your aren't watching a film with her! Kind and considerate whilst having an attitude and flirty side that could take down most. An easy choice was to allow Katherine Hiegl perhaps get away from starring in films that make you want to gauge out your eyes and drive a huge Monster truck whilst bbq-ing the worlds biggest steak just to gain back a little masculinity that the last hour and a half of watching her film tore out of your life.

Bee Heal
Rather Posh is our southern Jessy. When not on Daddy's Yatch, or sipping champagne with Jeeves, Bee enjoys nothing more than sun-burning, and dancing the night away with all the Cai gang. A lovely girl with little bad to say about anyone. Always will let her opinion be known, but rarely ruffles feathers with what is said. It was a struggle to find someone to play Bee's character, but if I could get anyone to do it, of course it makes sense that it would be Audre Hepburn in the prime of her life.

Natasha Pitt
Our favourite Rock n Roll chick with the biggest motherly side out of everbody that has graced our Cádiz lives. The last of our leavers Tash could be challenging you to a drink off one moment and then in the blink of an eye could be mopping up your sick and making sure you get home, tucked up, safe and sound. A safe choice was to cast Mila Kunis as our farm girl. Already one of the mistresses of comedy Mila can play both the good girl and the bad girl, and so is perfect to capture both sides of Tash's loving personality.

Maisie Kennady
Cockney to the core, a broader accent than Phil Mitchell, Maisie is a mad little hatter, a personality the size of the Americas and a sense of fun a frolics to match. Studious and sensible when necessary, but in an instant can let her hair down and after a few Sangrias is down those Apples and Pears and off to a bar to dance the night away. Only one actress seemingly parties as well as Maisie and that would be Lindsay Lohan. Seen playing both the party animal and the academic, Lohan could perfectly portray maisie's brilliance.
Ash Milns
Big Ash, the daydreamer, the man-whore on a dry patch. He would just love to have the brilliant Gerrard Butler cast in the role, however, where Ash falters is that Gerrard is a true lad, with the record and pure appeal to back up his dreams and materialistic strut. Ash you could say, has the gear but no idea. Surrounding himself with top of the line technology and other materialistic goods, Ash unfortunately falls short when it comes to stepping up to the plate. An awkward flirt and hilarious perve, his charm is little more than boyish, but where he lacks in charm, he makes up in gear and intelligence. Jake Gyllenhaal seems a much better fit. With the right all action look, but the same child-like-charm that Ash boasts to accompany it.
James Southam
James is the first of our newcomers, with a quiet facade, James is easy to talk to, however is always up for a laugh and banter, getting involved in most group madness, drinking when possible, and being very much one of the lads. A rocker look, but with a calm as a millpond demeanor, James' perfect casting would be Vince Vaughan the big man, with the big personality and all the hilarity, just waiting under the surface to be unleashed.

Dave Smith
After seriously debating Will Ferrel for the role, it became obvious that not only the funn side of our human version of Balloo had to be captured, but also his loveable, mellow side which see's him as someone anyone can talk to and depend on. An actor that can play both the good guy, and the hilarious guy is of course the genius Seth Rogen. A real lad, but also a brilliant person, loveable and kind as well as being up for a laugh at the drop of a hat.... pity he is a Yid!

James L
After unfortunately having to go against my instincts and not cast Luke Chadwick in the role, deciding to settle for the brilliant Elijah Wood was perhaps the genius i was waiting for! Perfect for the role Elijah has the mild, mellow air that James boasts, whilst also being a joker and never far from a laugh.

Laura Payne
Our very own little Payne in the ass. Laura can manage to annoy you and give you the biggest grin on your face within a matter of words. She has an English rose appeal to her, but through sporting the short hair she tones it down. Much like the wondefuln Keira Knightley who is more than capable of capturing both the intlligent, witty and beautiful side of Laura, whilst also maintaining the attitude that ensures you never want to be on her wrong side.... trust me, even after two bottles of Rosé she can be very scary!

Lucy Robinson
Our very own exotic sulstress. Lucy is intleligent and talented, and realises it, her good grasp of several languages as well as her aptitude for music and dance only adding to her ever growing ego. I guess you could say its a French thing, for although she may not have any French inside her (except when her and Olivier are together :p) she embraces all things parisian, above all the Parisian air and way of acting. Our half Indian mistress is both bold and brutal, capable of taking a joke or insult with one hand, and within a breath, sending one back your way with the other. Frida Pinto is of course the obvious choice for Lucy, an elegant and engrossing actress, able to portray both the strong-willed front Lucy puts on, whilst also achieving the timidness that comes with her fear of not being accepted, or able to fit into a life.
Clodagh Ryan
Our very own Paddy straight off the plane from China. Alot of Irish are travellers in one sense of the word, but Clodagh's version if one of a globetrotter, studying in China and Cádiz as part of her year abroad. She is wise to the world around her but maintains a deeper innocence that gives her a quaint Irish charm. Able to be very understanding and stubborn in the same breath, Codagh will make sure she is heard, whilst allowing those around her to have their say also. Gemma Arterton may come as a surprise to some, but with the different roles she has played she is able to put across a stubborn, yet innocent feel to her character with ease.

With a golden cast lining up in the starring roles, there of course are plots needed to back up the glittering bill:

- The birth of Kike
- Ash 'Getting Around' the group
- Many mad nights out including the last one before Christmas (Free Bar)
- The Italian nightmares
- Granada! The fun, the frolics, and of course Mike's nakes torso.... puke over
- Football Fiascos
- A certain Rosé fueled night
- Oh and who could forget Ash's wonderful night with the police and his 'Little accident'

The final piece of the puzzle would of course have to be a killer soundtrack:

- Yo No Quiero Agua by Pitbull --> One of the most memorable tracks to go together with this year abroad
- Hero by Enrique ---> Mike singing it to Kellie to seduce her (fiction)
- New York New York being sung on many drunken stumbles home by myself and Ash (fact)
- Tonight (I'm F***ing You) by Enrique ---> sang and danced to by Ash on one of his many prowls
- Marry You by Bruno Mars ---> Another Granada song
- Let Me Love You by Mario ---> A legendary song revived on many a pre-drinking sesh
- Numero Uno ----> The surprisingly catchy Italian anthem that rocked many a party after its introduction
- Time of Our Life (Dirty Bit) --> rubbish song, but the words sum up a brilliant year.

Yes this was just a trivial blog, i had fun writing true and mabe some slightly false things about people, what do you expect, i love to a) stir, b) entertain and c) make saracstic, hilarious comments, teetering on social boundaries! But don't forget one thing, time in Cádiz is nearly over, people will move on and people will be sadly missed and alot sadly forgotten. Lives will go on and it will just be a bittersweet memory in the past. Its moments like this that we will tell our kids and grandkids about, days spent on the beach, nights spent in bars, and if this helps people remember the good times and the bad, cheer up someones evening, or maybe just put a smile on their face, well then job done.

To those who are not in it, its not because you arent important, quite the opposite, i don't have enough time, or your patience to go on much longer (and this is my fifth attempt to write this as blogger played up and deleted it four times before!!!) Just to say to everyone who has been a part of this adventure as we head into the last months, thankyou, you have contributed to making this the best year of mine, and what i expect to be everyone elses lives. Top Job.

Now you sad Jeb-Ends, stop being mushy and go enjoy yourselves, times running out!!!

Happy Blogging :)

P.s Check the boxes, leave comments, make me smile toooooo :D